how lonely is lonely?

Well it has been way too long since i have last posted something. i am not going to even bother with capitalization and grammar correctness. it is a friday night, april 3rd and there is a nice california breeze flowing through my windows and into my living room. i am alone, which is a very real concept that i have grown accustomed too. everyone always says isolation is overrated and i completely disagree, i love being alone, i love sitting and doing what i want to do. whether that be watching terrible television, reading a book i've read over 10 times (the messenger by markus zusak it is a great read) but i don't feel like i have to entertain anyone. so for the first few hours life is great. i feel like tom cruise in risky business, when he slides on the floor in his underwear. i would definitely try it but i don't have the balance to pull off some moves like that.
but after the first few hours it does start to wear on you. i began thinking way too much, i always wonder what my friends are doing and my exgirlfriends actually. i wonder if they ever think about me or if they ever look at their phone as much as i do. i always wonder if i'm going to end up alone, that is the biggest question i have about my life, well that and whats going to happen to me when i die? am i going to be that creepy friend your parents have that are by themselves and they are really nice and friendly but you always feel sorry for them. i do not want to end up that way. i mean that scares me more than anything. i don't know why i'm sitting here delving into my darkest fears to complete strangers... well probably stranger. my mind wanders when i'm by myself, it scares me most times but everyone once in awhile you'll come across a thought, an idea, or even a plot line to a story (mostly short stories, i drank way to much in my adolescent, okay it was yesterday) maybe it's just my imagination that takes off on me or maybe i'm brilliant with $100 million ideas. it's probably the first one. but to cut this blog short as sleep washes over my body, this has helped me relax for the the first time in i don't know how long. thank you for reading til the end i promise to write a much more meaningful blog in the future.

We Need to Accept Responsibility

The other day i was on my lunch break at work and was rocking out to Eminem's new album MMLP2, and it is amazing! But that's not the point that is a blog post for another day. I witnessed a man throw a piece of paper out the window of his car. Didn't make a big deal about it, just calmly threw it out the window and kept on about his day. It's this kind of behavior that is causing America to fall from grace. Liberals blame the conservatives and conservatives blame the liberals. How about we blame the real culprits! Parents! I feel these are the most influential adults in children's lives. I mean the saying "children are our future" is said for a reason. How can kids think it is okay to litter like this, or how can people look down on gay people for their beliefs? Where do kids learn to hit or be aggressive? Home! They don't learn to be violent through games or violent movies it starts at home. In today's society it's so easy to point the finger at everything else blaming others is an excuse. Communication with your children is essential. My parents had great lines of communication, they didn't treat me like a baby, they didn't treat me like their friend either. They were strict, firm, and loving all at the same time. It starts at a young age but if we take ownership in what kids do then we will be able to let them know that littering is wrong, bullying is wrong, and violence is wrong. It's sad we live in an age where everyone makes excuses and deals out responsibility rather than just accept it. Until this is fixed America is going to continue it's downward spiral. This is just something that's been on my mind.

Sample Chapter

Okay so I am very self conscious about my writing but I need feedback and this is the first time I have promoted my blog or even put anything that I've been working on for awhile. Please be gentle in your critique.

 

The truck turned the corner and headed up the familiar street to the house that Trey had spent most of his life. He didn’t like the circumstances he was coming home to, and felt like a failure for doing it. He parked his black truck next to the mailbox and looked through the passenger window at his childhood home. The familiar door looming in the distance gave him the feeling he was sixteen again coming home from a long day of baseball practice.

     The porch light was on even though the sun was still setting. The grass had been freshly cut. Trey smiled, moving back in with his parents wasn’t what he had in mind but he looked forward to seeing his parent’s everyday. Maybe it wasn’t going to be as bad as he originally anticipated he. Home cooked meals, family, familiarity, but most importantly quiet. He hoped returning home would help with his insomnia.  

     He grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and walked up the front steps. They were wet and had grass stuck to them. His dad must have just finished cutting the grass, something he always complained about but when Trey would offer to help his dad would make up an excuse for him not to help. He liked being outside alone and as Trey got older he enjoyed the same thing his father did. Trey rang the doorbell and waited.

“Who is it?” Trey recognized his mothers voice over the barking dog. He had forgot about their dog Buddy. A little white maultese.  

He smiled. The good thing about being home was seeing his parents on a daily basis. “It’s your wonderful son.” He said.

     She opened the front door and couldn’t contain her excitement. He was wrapped in a hug that caught Trey by surprise. She kissed him on the cheek and scolded him for not eating nearly enough.

“Ed!” she shouted up the stairs. “Your son is here.” Kathy grabbed Trey’s bag and walked him into the kitchen. It was exactly how he remembered it. The refrigerator was the first thing on the left when you walk in. White tile spread across the entire kitchen. A light blue booth with a wooden table attached was in the right corner. The countertop spread across the back of the kitchen with brown cabinets on top and bottom.

     Trey slid into the booth and listened as his mother recounted all that has taken place since he’d been gone. Friends married, neighbors moving on, and the Musker’s ever growing presence in the area making it harder for families to live in peace.

“These peace officers have the right to come into our homes and search our belongings to make sure there is no tie to the Alphas.” Kathy said as she finished making a sandwich and placing it in front of Trey. He couldn’t believe they would do that. Trey had never experienced such things where he was living. He never understood any of the hardships people had taken on. He was isolated in his bubble content on living his life and not focusing on anyone else. He took a bite of the sandwich and there were a rush of feelings coming back to him, the soft bread, and the smell of the familiar kitchen, it smelled like freshly baked cookies all the time.

“They just walk right in the house?” Trey asked with a mouth full of roast beef.

“They leave most of us alone but in the one case where they believe someone is working with the Alphas then they…” she didn’t finish.

“They what?” Trey asked. He could see how visibly upset this made his mother. He thought better of pushing the subject. He grabbed his mother’s hand. “It’s really great to be home mom. I’ve missed you and dad a lot.” Kathy began to tear up. “ I mean I am going to love having home cooked meals and laundry service.” She smiled and hit him on the shoulder.

“You’re going to be helping around the house. Your dad is really excited to have you back.” Trey finished his sandwich and his mother cleared his plate.

“He’s had a hard time with the empty nest.” She began. “When Kelly left it was hard, but when you left he didn’t know how to spend his time. He would sit for hours in your room looking out the window. You should have come around more or at least called.” She was right. Trey had been nonexistent in his parent’s lives for the last few years. He would go home for holidays, stay a day or two, drop off elaborate gifts then head back to the city. He never realized his parents missed him, or his father would be so upset he wasn’t around. His father never showed any emotion or attention, he was very reserved with his emotions and often distanced himself from Trey.

     Ed walked into the kitchen and Trey got up to give his dad a hug. Ed paused for a few seconds looking at his son before gripping him in a hug that made it seem if he were to let go he’d never get a chance to hug him again. Trey reciprocated the gesture and couldn’t help but smile. It felt great to be back in his childhood home. For the first time since he was fired he felt everything was going to be okay.

     A few hours after dinner Trey sat with his father on the couch in their living room watching TV. The living room was all dark brown tile with a black and brown rug that Trey’s dad had fought to keep out of the living room. Stains littered the rug, and the matted felt made it feel warm and welcomed. The TV was set in the back right corner of the room with a fire crackling to the left emitted a warm glow. Pictures of Trey and his sister lined the walls. The dark brown couch was centered in the middle of the room and connected to form an “L”. Ed sat with his feet up in his recliner which faced the TV and was connected to the couch.

“How have you been pops?” Trey asked. This was the first time they were alone together. Kathy was in the kitchen cleaning up. She was humming songs as she finished cleaning.

“Good.” He said. Not taking his attention away from the TV. Trey and his dad never really expressed their feelings and tonight wasn’t any different. He began to wonder if his mother had made up that story about his dad. He continued to force conversation.

“Anything exciting going on?” Trey asked. He didn’t know why he asked, he knew the answer before it was even given.

“No.” Ed answered. Trey got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to help his mother finish up. Talking to his father was like pulling teeth, he always seemed upset with Trey or resented him for reasons Trey couldn’t even fathom. He stood between the kitchen and the living room, listening to two televisions blaring two completely different shows. Trey couldn’t help but smile, he loved being home with his family.

“Need any help in here?” he asked.

“No sweetie, I’m just about finished.” She replied. She looked to be in a trance cleaning the stove. Trey smiled, he remembered back to his childhood when his mother would tell him and his sister to clean then stop them half way through cleaning because they were doing it wrong.

“I love you mom.” Trey said and headed to his room to figure out what his next step was.

     His room was completely different. His old bedroom had been remodeled. His dark blue carpet and white walls were gone. Light brown carpet covered the floor and light green paint spread across the walls giving the room a tropical feel. It didn’t hurt that there were paintings of palm trees and oceans on every wall. The bed was pushed against the back wall of the room with the dresser at the opposite end. He slid open the closet and still hanging were his baseball uniforms, exactly how he left them.

     He flopped down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. He laid there for a few minutes soaking in everything that transpired, two weeks ago he had everything he wanted, but he grew a conscious made decision that helped two hundred people keep their jobs. He was fired lost his home and his girlfriend. But just as sleep was about to over power him, he smiled. This wasn’t where Trey pictured himself at the age of twenty-five but he didn’t care for the first time in a very long time he was able to close his eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

I Want What Ted Mosby Has

 

No matter what guys say, or how often they lie about it they all want what Ted Mosby has. Now let me back up for a second and explain. Ted Mosby is a fictional character played by Josh Radnor in the critically acclaimed TV show How I Met Your Mother. The show follows Ted and his friends as he tells his kids about, well how he met their mother. The story spans 180+ episodes and 9 seasons. But back to my point, he searches for love the entire show falling in love with girls only to get his heart broken. I have been an avid watcher of this show and love everything about it, but the epitome of the show to me was the final minute of last nights episode when he is sitting with his future wife and you can see how happy he is. I know this is just TV and that I am extremely bias of the show and glad that after so many freaking episodes we finally get to meet the mother. But I want what Ted has, I want to tell people the story of how I met my wife, (I hope she's still out there) and I want to be so deeply in love with her nothing else in the world matters. I want her to feel the same way about me. I have only really known two couples who share this and my sister and her husband are one of them and my two best friends Joel and Nicole are the others. I used to be the party guy going out hooking up with random girls, and at the time I thought "life doesn't get any better than this" but it's all so fake and meaningless. I want the real thing I want to think about this person as soon as I wake up and I want them to be the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep and hopefully they are lying next to me with the same thoughts. No matter how you cut it everyone wants that, even the guys who say they don't they do. Because guys you're going to get to a point and be very lonely with nothing to fill you but one night stands. I can't believe I just laid everything out there like that..... I can't wait for next weeks episode.

Kaepernick has the golden state of mind

All smiles from San Francisco as the 49ers outlast the Greenbay Packers. The highly anticipated rematch from the divisional playoffs less than a year ago pitted the defending NFC champs and the retooled packer defense. This was going to be the first of many obstacles that will be thrown at Colin Kaepernick who many say is just a running QB. Well 3 touchdowns and 412 yards later Kaep proved he is more than a one trick pony as the 49ers defeated the packers 34-28 in a game that lived up to the hype. Early the pack proved they weren't going to be beat by Kaeps legs, which was fine with him as he shredded the packer secondary for 27 completions (13 to new addition Anquan Boldin) and 3 scores and 412 yards! This kid is an elite QB! He takes what the defense gives him. He's poised beyond his years and it showed with the game on the line and him completing a 15 yard pass to Boldin with 2 minutes left in the game on 4th down. He is only going to get better which is the scary thing and I look forward to seeing what he can do. The best part about this kid is that he keeps his head down and nose in the playbook. Listening to his press conference he is a man of few words when they begin to praise him for his preformance, constantly putting the success on his teammates and coaches. But asked what areas who could improve on he has a lot to say. He knows he has a long way to go and keeps working hard a long with his teammates. More players should take notes on how to work properly. I'm excited!! As he says you have to have that golden state of mind. 

Life Behind Bars: WE BE BLOGGIN'

Life Behind Bars: WE BE BLOGGIN': "Hi!  How are you doing today?  My name is Nicole and I'll be taking care of you!"  Oh man, literally, just typing that annoye...

Two of my dearest and closest friends have joined the blogging community. Before you judge based on the title of the blog they are both Bartenders (Hence the play on word "Life behind bars. Get it?!) For those of you who come across my blog about nothing make sure to check this out, they will give advice on how to talk, order and most importantly tip your bartenders to make sure you constantly get great service every time you go into a bar and order a drink. They have helped me so much with this and I have to say I have gotten plenty of free drinks based solely on these three philosophies they have preached. The bar community is tight knit group who look after each other and getting a closer look is something I am excited to read!! hope you all enjoy.

Ben Affleck As Batman

 

About two weeks ago they announced that Ben Affleck was going to don the cape and cowl and play the caped crusader known as Batman. Of course the internet filled with critics who know better than the studios decide to take to arms calling for Ben to be replaced. These are probably the same people who said Heath Ledger was going to be a terrible joker, claiming he is too pretty and has no range. Well one very scary villain and an Oscar later the late Heath Ledger turned in one of the most iconic roles of all time. Why can't Ben do this? He's not a good actor? The Town is great and he is great in that. Argo speaks for itself. Oh yes Dare Devil! That movie was actually terrible. But can we blame Ben for that?  No. At the time super hero movies were taking over the big screen and studios were trying to crank them out as quick as possible. The script was awful. Mark Steven Johnson was the writer and to give you an idea of what movies he has written (Ghost Rider, Jack Frost, and Elektra) Ben was the product of terrible timing. I still don't think DareDevil is a stand alone character who deserves his own movie. Now Batman on the other hand is an iconic role and in all honesty the cowl does most of the work. I mean Clooney wasn't a bad batman he was just put with a terrible script and a nipple suit. Ben has that playboy look to him and can be flashy and arrogant like Bruce Wayne the biggest challenge is going to be him needing the bat suit. Bale was flawless in dancing the fine line between both characters. The question became who is the real person Bruce Wayne or Batman. If Affleck can do this then he will be fine. He has the resume to give layers to Bruce Wayne and as long as he can put the size on and be as in shape as Bale was then he should be perfect for Batman. Can he still blow it? yes he can but I say we wait til we see at least a still from him in the Batsuit before we want the head of WB on a platter. I think he will do a great job and if they can score Bryan Cranston as Lex Luthor then it is going to be an amazing movie!!